FLOW: HOW TO BE YOUR BADASS SELF WITHOUT EFFORT

Flow is an incredible phenomena in life.  It is amazing what happens in this natural state, i.e., how we become as human beings and what becomes possible as it is the state of our potential where we can grow and expand and push the boundaries and limits of what we know or what we can do.   

Normally to push the boundaries and limits, we put pressure on ourselves to be badass. This involves struggle and continuous conflict within ourselves as we try to overcome fears or barriers that we put in our way in whatever we want to do or accomplish in our lives.  

This is due to our conditioned way of doing things in life where we always revert to Attachment Thinking as this is what we know.  It is habitual and unconscious.  To learn more about this kind of thinking, please go here.  

This kind of thinking is fear-based and so when we do it to accomplish or do something in our lives, fear, stress and anxiety will be triggered along with frustration and anger, i.e., if it doesn’t work out the way we want it to or we can’t do what we want to do (we hold ourselves back from imagined fears and insecurities) and then we will find ourselves in the rabbit hole – in self punishment and depression thinking we are failures.  In thinking that we are failures or holding ourselves back, we will sabotage ourselves and not do whatever it is that we truly want to do in our lives.  

To overcome all of this, including doubts and insecurities, we again put pressure on ourselves through forcing, pushing and controlling.  This requires constant effort and so cannot be sustained for a long period of time as it is emotionally and physically exhausting not to mention destructive.  

Flow on the other hand is effortless.  I will get into more detail a little further on about the effortlessness of flow and how you can be your badass self and push the boundaries and limits in this state. For now though, it is important to see and understand that flow is not a passive state, it is active.  

Normally we think that flow is passive or inactive through such words as ‘go with the flow’, but as I have discovered flow is not that, it is active.  It is not something that is external to us, but something that we generate.  

In this state there is no conflict within ourselves as there is in Attachment Thinking. We are in tune with what is happening in the moment when in the flow.  

Flow is multi-sensorial and we are very focused on what we are doing.  We are sensing, feeling, adjusting, adapting to what is happening in the moment.  In essence, we are in charge not through control, but through conscious awareness.

In the flow, you don’t have to think about what you are doing, you just do it, but with awareness.  You are not acting blindly or stupidly.  You are conscious and aware and will not take unnecessary risks.  Risks will be assessed and if it doesn’t feel right, you don’t do it or you back off.  You are in charge unlike the feeling of Attachment Thinking of being out of control and you have no say or choice in the matter.  

The flow is never about the destination or outcome.  That is not important.  It is the doing that is important as this is what we are immersed in including an endless ongoing present.

This is just a rough outline of what happens in a flow state.   Lets now dig deep into this state to see what happens and what becomes possible.  Further on, I will go into how the flow state can be generated.

Digging Deep – The Flow State

I have experienced the flow state many, many times in my life in different sorts of contexts and it is remarkable when it happens.  The times in which it has shown up is in writing, deep and meaningful conversations, being and hiking in nature and the mountains, skiing and being connected to the big picture where I envision, construct, meaning and purpose in my life.  

During these times I understood this phenomena as a deep state of being, a trust state, but through doing back to back ski seasons over the last four years as a skier, I have come to understand it differently and this is what I want to share including how I generated the state and was able to repeat it time and time again.

When I ski I love to go hard and fast but in control.  I also don’t take unnecessary risks even though I love being a risk taker. I love to push the boundaries and limits of what is possible in all sorts of areas in my life and in particular, skiing.  The contrast though between the flow state and Attachment Thinking, is vast as I will show below.  

These contrasts will be in the context of skiing, however as you read them, think about examples from your own life to see where they apply. 

Flow State

·     My ability sky rocketed and I was not intimidated by the terrain, I adapted to it. 

·      I am in charge, confident and strong.

·      I didn’t have to think about what I was doing (very difficult to do when going hard and fast), I was just doing it.  It was effortless.  I was being badass but without effort.

·      I knew what to do instinctively.

·      I was very focused and was able to make fine tune adjustments to what I was doing.  I knew instantly when I was ‘on’ or ‘off’ my game and knew instinctively how to get back ‘on’.

·      I was skiing at my best and beyond, in my potential.

·      I was completely immersed in what I was doing, in the present.

·      I experienced such an intense love and joy that is hard to put into words. I skied with absolute passion, dedication and commitment.

·     There is no judgment, criticism or punishment.  I simply reflect on what I did and see what I can improve, grow and learn from.  Reflection in this context is always about the learning and not about the outcome.

·     There is no comfort zone, it doesn’t apply.

Attachment Thinking

·      I put pressure on myself to go hard and fast and to be badass.  This requires effort through pushing and forcing myself.  I then go into ‘I don’t want to do it’ because of the effort and pressure.

·      I want to be perfect at what I am doing.  What I do is never good enough.  

·     There is constant analyzing of what is wrong through self judgment, punishment and criticism. I will be angry and frustrated because I am not performing at my best.

·      I will be thinking about what I am doing when skiing which ruins and limits my technique and I don’t ski well.  In fact, I ski terrible and nowhere near my potential, skill level or ability.

·      I will be trying to prove something to myself or to someone else.

·     When pushing the boundaries and limits or skiing difficult terrain or conditions, I will be skiing out of my comfort zone.  This always involves fear and overcoming insecurities and anxieties about my technique, abilities and the terrain.

As you can see there are big differences between these two contrasts.  The differences are essentially trust-based (flow) or fear-based (Attachment Thinking).  

The flow state is trust, our natural biological state.  It is not like ‘oh I trust myself’, no.  You don’t have to think about whether you are in a state of trust or not.  You just are.  

Attachment Thinking on the other hand is fear-based.  The fear/s and all that ensues from this kind of thinking, not to mention the limits and restrictions we put on ourselves and our bodies, is generated from this kind of thinking.  

So how did I get into this flow state?

Getting Into a Flow State

Initially I got into the state through being aggressive and determined.  In all honesty though, this was to overcome my initial fears of snow conditions or the terrain.  I then realized I couldn’t maintain being aggressive and determined all the time to not only get into the state but also to maintain it.

I then switched my focus to FEELING.  When I put my focus on the feeling of what I was doing, I was able to generate the state effortlessly.  

Through these techniques though I discovered that it all depends on where I put my focus and if I found myself in Attachment Thinking, I would use my thinking tools to snap out of it, return to myself and Autonomy, my natural biological state of trust, and put my focus on feeling. To find out what these tools are and how to implement them, you can purchase a copy of my book, WTF?!…How am I thinking? or enroll in my new online course, Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life.

When the focus goes into the feeling of doing whatever you are doing, you are able to sense and feel what does and doesn’t feel right.  You are able to make choices and decisions consciously and wisely. 

If something doesn’t feel right, then you don’t do it.  Or if you feel to back off, then back off.  Or if you feel to go for it, then go for it.  Essentially, you are in tune with yourself and the environment. Not only that, but you no longer experience separation.  You are autonomous but also intrinsically interconnected and interdependent with everything.  It is a relational experience.  You are part of the big picture.

To conclude, let’s now explore the lessons learned here.

Lessons Learned 

One of the biggest lessons of the flow state is what becomes possible and how I become as a human being.  In other words, how I become is wise, conscious, aware, in charge, powerful, confident and in tune.  

What becomes possible is the potential of what I am doing.  I go beyond what I think I can do.  The improvement in my skiing is incredible and goes beyond trying to improve through Attachment Thinking.  I go into another world of what is possible where the boundaries and limits have been, or are being pushed but without effort, punishment, struggle or conflict within myself.  

I learnt so much more about what I can do rather than what I can’t.  And perhaps even more importantly I can be my badass self without effort.  I am not trying to be something.  I am being something.  This is the power of flow.

It is important to be aware that the flow state is cyclical, i.e., will have a duration before it passes.  The key is then to maintain the duration to remain in the state.  How you do that is to focus on feeling as I mentioned previously. 

It is also important to not be attached to the flow state otherwise you will find yourself in the rabbit hole, i.e., you will be depressed that you are not in it and will search for it. 

Whilst the focus has been on skiing to provide a context for flow, this awareness can be used in many areas of life.  It not only enables you to be badass but also highly creative, intelligent and productive as it is a state of expansion. The choice then remains to be in flow or to be in fear.

I would love to hear your experiences of flow, so please leave a comment below.

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I am available for one on one consulting via email or phone (+64 221966928), workshops and speaking.

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